I tried, and I gave up.

To be female is to exhale
to give up
to release
to sink into the floor
to heavy your hips
to give way
to give in 
to take in 
reception
Hello, may I take your call? 

I tried 
I’m tired 
I gave up 
I give up 
to be human is to save yourself 
to rescue yourself 
to redeem yourself 
to be alive is to give up on yourself
to trim that which kills us 
welcoming death into our doorway
Would you like something to drink? 

To be a woman is to trim 
to slice 
to dice
whether it be tomatoes, fingers, art, or excel charts
we are constantly beckoning the outside to come inside
or stay away 
we are innards 
welcoming inwards
or pushing something outwards
no matter what 
we give or take
from inside ourselves 
we shove 
we move 
we rearrange
we welcome in 
with welcome arms or hostile glances
gallant men or striding ladies 
we women accept devotedly 
that to be woman is to be human which is to trim to welcome death 
to house and hold the dying birth
we women are 
inside

Suddenly Stirred

maybe to be moved is to sit in solemn sudden silence 
and have your brain transported to your heart
maybe to be moved is really to set your brain on fire 
and water your sense of touch and lust and feel 
and chop chop timber 
let the sun come out onto your heart
heart seeds grow strong in the sunlight
just ask the artichoke 
we carnivorous folk 
we chomp on her leaves and rip out her hand held heart
to smush onto sandwiches beside butchered romaine and goat feta
destined to be squeezed between searing hot pans of a grill 
deliciously baked our hearts will be 
if we let them fester in the sun
when I was a child we placed seeds perhaps beans
in wet damp cloths and let them germinate that was all they needed
wet
and then we transplanted them 
is that what they wanted? 
we played god with them giving them life by giving them water 
a simple recipe for disaster 
water plus human plus psychological need for power and control 
we create 
and creation is good
on the first day there was light 
and he looked at the light and said
it is good
light 
it is good
it creates life
from everything we come from we come from the light the heat the lighted heat 
the heat that I generate when I think of you 
could palpably generate the electricity of a small amazonian village considering they even had electricity 
and the power generated would only supply and sustain those twisty LED lightbulbs
because thinking of your love generates in me a futuristic heat that lasts a lot longer than the yellow fluorescent lightbulbs
burns brighter burns longer
seven years longer
and don’t quote me 
I do not want to put a date on anything ever
but everyone is doing it 
the milk companies too, “best before” they say and so 
we at the restaurant end up dumping cartons full of probably excellent and delicious milk down the drain 
too bad I am allergic to milk 
no, not lactose intolerant 
it is an allergy 
although when I was seven I saw an allergy specialist in Saskatoon 
he stabbed me full of needles and the points on my arm that were pricked that were swollen he jotted took note of 
and milk protein was not one
but now
millions of light years later 
I am 
I am allergic to dairy protein 
and so the milk we throw out at the restaurant does not taste delicious to me 
because I do not drink milk 
and like my mother always said 
if the dairy companies jumped off a cliff would you?
I doubt they would, in the first place
perhaps, if their end goal was to have me jump off a cliff
and the only way perceivably possible way to attain that would be to demonstrate how to jump off a cliff, 
a leader follower demonstration 
I am sure that the dairy companies are too self sufficient and greedy to actually jump off a cliff and so would stage their jumping off a cliff
to generate in me a desire to follow and also jump
but even then 
I don’t think I would jump off a cliff just because someone else did
I mean millions of people die everyday 
by various reasons 
and I don’t do that 
but monkey see monkey do 
and maybe that is our problem 
we are too busy seeing 
sight is the least dependable sense 
and yet we deem it the most valuable 
I would rather be blind than lose anything else. 

[J.A]

“Maybe nothingness is to be without your presence,
without you moving, slicing the noon
like a blue flower, without you walking
later through the fog and the cobbles,
without the light you carry in your hand,
golden, which maybe others will not see,
which maybe no one knew was growing
like the red beginnings of a rose.
In short, without your presence: without your coming
suddenly, incitingly, to know my life,
gust of a rosebush, wheat of wind:
since then I am because you are,
since then you are, I am, we are,
and through love I will be, you will be, we will be.”
— Pablo Neruda
“It is night: now do all gushing fountains speak louder. And my soul also is a gushing fountain.”
 Friedrich Nietzsche, from Thus Spoke Zarathustra    (via transcendentalcaffeination)

(via poemsofthequiet)

And it’s a permanent hesitation
And it permeates through elation
- Born Ruffians

"Wild Geese" by Mary Oliver

"You do not have to be good.
You do not have to walk on your knees
for a hundred miles through the desert repenting.
You only have to let the soft animal of your body
love what it loves.
Tell me about despair, yours, and I will tell you mine.
Meanwhile the world goes on.
Meanwhile the sun and the clear pebbles of the rain
are moving across the landscapes,
over the prairies and the deep trees,
the mountains and the rivers.
Meanwhile the wild geese, high in the clean blue air,
are heading home again.
Whoever you are, no matter how lonely,
the world offers itself to your imagination,
calls to you like the wild geese, harsh and exciting -
over and over announcing your place
in the family of things.”

—Mary Oliver, “Wild Geese”

plaxtic:

hope gangloff
“The beginning of meditation is self-knowledge, which means being aware of every movement of thought and feeling, knowing all the layers of my consciousness, not only the superficial layers but the hidden, the deeply concealed activities. To know the deeply concealed activities, the hidden motives, responses, thoughts and feelings, there must be tranquility in the conscious mind; that is the conscious mind must be still in order to receive the projection of the unconscious.”

Krishnamurti (via donotconceptualize)

It’s easy to confuse what meditation is. Most see it as sitting quietly in a room with eyes closed for a few minutes. It’s not. Meditation is being consciously aware of what’s going on in your mind. And you do it all the time - when you wake up, brush your teeth, go to work and eat dinner. Every thought, every action is examined and understood - that is self-knowledge. 

(via ahealthyearth)

(via ahealthyearth)

“To be left alone on the tightrope of youthful unknowing is to experience the excruciating beauty of full freedom and the threat of eternal indecision.”
— Maya Angelou (via h-o-r-n-g-r-y)

(via h-o-r-n-g-r-y)